There is a very dangerous activity which we all seem to get drawn into at some time or other and that is reading between the lines. We look at the written word and either imagine it has been created just for us or project our own thoughts and feelings between those written lines imagining things that are simply not there. This becomes particularly true at the end of a relationship when we want to think that anything written down by the person that we have loved must be about us or contain some sort of hidden meaning or message. And therein lies the danger.
Mr Darcy and Eizabeth Bennett had alot of trouble with the reading between the lines scenario, and it took an actual conversation after much misunderstanding and heartache to set the record straight. Personally speaking, I find it far easier to write things down than say them out loud, but I have come to realise that that leaves certain things open to misinterpretation, misunderstanding and a degree of bitterness leading to the one upmanship ‘I’m having a better / more exciting time than you are’ state of affairs, which should be confined to the teenage arena where it belongs!
I like to think (despite comments to the contrary) that I am a reasonably straightforward and honest person, particularly when it comes to my feelings and I have found that writing some of this down serves not only as cheap therapy but allows others access to thoughts which they may not have been aware of, and that may go some way towards explaining past and present situations. It is what it is. There are no hidden meanings, there is nothing between the written lines and nothing to be misinterpreted. I wear my heart in print and on the basis of that have decided to write down what it is that I now want…
I want to be appreciated and respected, loved and wanted with the all consuming but not suffocating ‘can’t live without you’ kind of love. I want to feel that fluttery feeling in my stomach when I am kissed. I want someone who loves me for me, not some idealised version of me. I want something to look forward to and somebody to look forward to it with. I want a partner in the true sense of the word who will stand beside me, take my side no matter what but who will give me freedom and independence to also live my own life. I want someone who takes the initiative without having to be told. I want to laugh at the ridiculousness of life with someone who is not afraid to be ridiculous with me. I want adventure, fun, music and laughter. I want the comfort that only comes with real love. I want to go to work in the morning with a silly grin on my face. I want, on occasion, to be a spoiled brat. But above all of these things I want to be, for somebody, number one and that is something that I have never been. I also want to be all of these things for that person. A tall order? Yes. Impossible? Perhaps. But I am a true romantic at heart and I believe that person is out there for me. Well actually I know he is because I had him once more or less (taking my side and the number one thing was a problem) but we didn’t appreciate what we had and let it slip through our fingers. Maybe I’ll never have it again, who knows, but I have decided to be more optimistic in the future and I believe in fate and karma. If it is meant to be then it will be and if and when it happens I will embrace it with optimism and positivity. I’m looking forward to it already.