To discombobulate is to confuse greatly. And that is how I am. Discombobulated. The source of my confusion has no notion of my confusion because I haven’t told him. Why? Because I’m scared to. And why am I scared to? Because I don’t want to look like some kind of idiot.
Various people have given me advice and opinion and that has created yet more confusion. I have been told that I wear my heart too much on my sleeve, that I should ‘lock my heart away for a while’ and I should keep my expectations low. Now, expectations have always been a bit of an issue with me. I expect others to do as I do and think as I think and of course they don’t (through no fault of their own of course) and that always leads to the inevitable disappointment. But then on the other hand should we not expect the best for ourselves? Should we not want to be treated well and be happy? Should we want to know where we stand and is it unreasonable to be left dangling…?
For me, the more I know, the less I understand but even on the basis of that I have listened to the advice. I am trying to lower my expectations (much against my better judgement, but hey, lets try something new), I am trying to keep my silly romantic mouth shut and my heart is under lock and key, at least for the time being. I am not sure what to do for the best and I am being given no clues at all as to how the source of my confusion feels. Maybe he feels confused too. Or maybe he’s just not that into it.