So, hot on the heels of the top five rules for success, we have the top five break up rules. Breaking up with someone usually leaves you with one of two feelings – utter devastation or profound relief. On rare occasions there can be an element of both of these but I think that that is probably more indicative of a relationship that is foundering rather than over and one which perhaps can be fixed. However, regardless of what we are feeling at the end of the line, the rules of the break up remain the same…
1. A new wardrobe / haircut. There seems to be the need, particularly amongst women, when they have broken up with someone, to rush out, have all of their hair chopped off and buy a wardrobe that would be more appropriate for a 16 year old. There is nothing less attractive than mutton dressed as lamb – so keeping the credit card in your pocket and steering well clear of the hairdressers is most definitely the way forward.
2. Communication. There is no point, if the relationship is really over, in going over and over the whys and wherefores. There is nothing to be gained from endless telephone calls, e mails or texts if all you are doing is going over the same old ground and apportioning blame. Far better to let it go and not become a bunny boiler – most unattractive and something that smacks of desperation. If however it is a relationship which is merely foundering, then the lines of communication must be kept open at all costs otherwise it could be something which you belatedly come to regret.
3.Rushing in. It is tempting to rush headlong into another relationship to get over the hurt of the previous one but this should be avoided at all costs. Devastation will lead to desperation and relief to disaster. As the old saying goes ‘Fools rush in where angels fear to tread’ and this should be kept uppermost in the mind.
4. Rediscovery. Remember who you are, what you like, what you don’t like and next time act accordingly. Refuse to be second best, learn to love yourself, spend time doing what you like to do and you will find that you are in a far better place ultimately. You cannot love someone else unless you love yourself – it’s an impossibility.
5. Friends. These are the break up lynch pins. It doesn’t matter who broke your heart and it doesn’t matter how long it may take that heart to heal – without your friends you will never get through it, never get past it. Cherish them – they’re worth it!
Break ups are awful, however right or wrong they seem at the time. They leave us with heavy hearts and at times a cynicism which may take a lifetime to disappear. But maybe we should look at them as lessons learned and hopefully situations not to be repeated. In an ideal world we would all live happily ever after and never experience the heartache but that is not reality. Looking back is a pointless exercise unless we are prepared to learn from our mistakes and assuming that we are prepared to do that then we should look forward with hope.
Lastly a question. Why is it when we are looking our absolute worst, covered in mud and scratches from the garden, with birds nest hair, do we run into the subject of our break up? Why is it that they never appear when we are groomed and gorgeous? Sods law I suppose!